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"We come to love not by knowing a perfect person, but by learning an imperfect person perfectly" 
"This life is beautiful, hence treat it wisely"
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Tuesday, June 21, 2005
HOLA!
yeah, i knew it has been ages since i last scribbled my "unforgotten" blog. i meant to write as soon as i've finished my exam last 8th june 2005, but it turned out that i never did or tried to.
Glad that my last exam was finally over with, and passed. so there'll be no more big exams for me, not until at least a year anyway. I have to think by then which area that i wish to be specialising on. for the momento, i couldnt imagined myself indulging into something too hectic, for i knew my heavy responsibilities in the future. a future wife, a future mum, a forever-be-loyal daughter. i sure wouldnt want to become a slave to my work. oh kay, that is something i've got to ponder about later. keep that at the back of my mind. hooray, now i am officially a graduating medical student and i'allah will start working in August 2005.
bz bz Bz bz bz..bz what?
i've been keeping myself bz with FOOD. too many people invited us over for free dinner hence soforth we later paid them the same treat.
packing my stuffs. yeah, i am moving to a new accomodation. everytime i packed, i still felt as if in my room was still as bulky as ever regardless of bundles of black bags which full of junks/papers/etc thrown. i kept some of my files, which i thought would be helpful to look at if i ever needs it. maybe not, on second thought. but hey, it's so so hard to throw away things that u were used to, especially if you've been keeping it for 5 years. the moment i wrote this up, my packing has reached nearly 95%. i only needs to pack my CPU, subwoofer, wash my duvet sheets, gather all my shoes in a bag. i am then all ready to move in my things to my new room. he he. thinking of that, even, put me in sweats.. penatnye....
organising a BBQ last sunday, that was a hell of a day. A joyous one indeed. Great sun, great crowd, great food. it was my first time trying to set up a BBQ set. it was extremely hard, to set up the fire. at the end of the day, i've actually sunburn marks on both my arms. nevermindlah, it was great anyway helping people to BBQ. i stuffed myself with some meehun, noodles, ikan bakar, sausage, lamb burger that i hardly have had extra space for my chickens....waaaaaaaaaaaaaa. its so sad. but thank god, i ate some later after i've let my tummy rested for a wee while. let me caught some breathe in between the stuffing. the event turned out to be very successful. everyone was enjoying it. *smile*
there is something i would like to share about; i am currently enjoying myself reading "Memoirs of a Geisha". highly recommended. the author wrote this masterpiece so great that it's as if you are hearing this story from himself in person. will tell more about it..
Posted at 12:30 pm by all_my_life
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Monday, May 02, 2005
Heard "a song" from a playing telemovie when it accidently has struck my heart by hard and eventually becomes my hot-most current re-playing song.
the words are as if from real honesty. a loving whisper of promising yet flaming love pure from the heart. i really2 like these words. am loving it to bits. Hence, I would like to share it and dedicate this special song to my one and only special person.
na na na na na na na na na na
You're my everything,
the sun that shines above you makes the blue birds sing,
the stars that twinkles away up in the sky, tell me "im in love"
when i kiss ur lips, i feel the roaring thunder to my finger tips,
and all the while my head is in the space, deep within, "I'm in love"
You're my everything, and nothing really matters but the love you bring.
Youre my everything,
just see u in the morning with those big brown eyes
you're my everything, oh ever and the day i need u close to me
you're my everything you never have to worry, never fear for i am near
oh my everything
i live upon the land that see the sky above,
i swim within the ocean sweet and warm,
there's no storm my love.
youre my everything, and nothing really matters but the love you bring.
when i hold you tight, there's nothing that can harm u in the lonely night,
i come to you and keep u safe and warm,
its so strong my love.
when i kiss ur lips, i feel the roaring thunder to my fingertips,
and all the while, my head is in the space, deep within, "i'm in love!"
la la la la la la la la la la la la la
isnt it wonderful love? eheks
Posted at 11:01 am by all_my_life
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Sunday, May 01, 2005
it has been quite a while that i havent scribbled anything in my blog.
These were a few highlights in my life this week:
few days ago, i received a tremendously BIG BAD NEWS front my face. i can still seized the moment, when i knew from my lil sis thru msn that my only atuk had passed away last thursday. oh my god, (terngaga pon ader) i couldnt believe it at first. was in a shocked state. i knew that he has been quite weak since his first MI (few months ago) but this new news, it was a shocking to all of us. He unfortunately experienced another sudden MI last wednesday. my atuk had always been fit otherwise. then again, he was 83 years old.
the first 2-3 sec after hearing the news, i dunt drop a tear until i came to a realisation that he was no longer going to be there when i'll come back to Mesia this July. waaaaaaaaa strings of tear drops non-stop. i continued chatting with my lil sis, asking her the details. i didnt want to phone home coz i didnt want my mom to hear my crying. making her upset is the last thing i wish to do on top of her burden and sadness. I want to comfort my mum and support her in this fragile time of hers. so i managed to keep the tears away, i picked up the phone and called home. but being the typical me, when i first heard my mum's voice, my tears were beginning to drop again..oh geezz. i kept on nodding my head, fighting back against my throat and tears (she's telling me about the whole event) and i barely can utter few words of comfort. continued saying "umphh" "yeah" coz i knew i couldnt manage to say a word without crying out loud. but a mum is always a mum. she knew i was upset and hence called me "nina...." that was when my eyes couldnt bare it any longer.. splashed it went. Banjirr aku!
i told my mum how i knew my atuk was weak, but i thought i could make it to see him once before he'll leave us. My mum mentioned that my atuk did ask for me and abang ...that makes me more weaker and I hated this far distance when time like tis happens..you just couldnt go to them..u're too far away... on top of that, i am glad that i have been given this strength to accept his death as it is..and far most imp, we as the cucu keep on saying prayers for him and sedekah Al-fatihah. Semoga he will be placed amongst orang2 yg beriman.
it is somehow true when people said "women are not allowed to go to the kubur" i cried badly, even when i heard my ayah's voice again i cried aloud. geez..i couldnt control la..but then i stop coz i knew that will just upsetting my parents. i talked to my ayah about other things; insurance number, studying, preparations for exam, thyphoid epidemic in Kelantan bla bla..
Deep down, I knew I must stabilised my mood. I have to study for up-coming exam.. crying would nt bring him back and i better sedekah byk2 alfatihah for my atuk. since i received the news he no longer with us, images of him always flashed across my head. sedey2..when i came to think about it. I loved him dearly. I am quite close to my atuk, back then (before i have younger nieces and nephews) I was his all-time fav cucu. he always put me first in everything. i remembered when i was a kiddo, i used to follow him doing his business, at that time with my arwah nenek. when it came to giving presents, he always ensure i got the best; best dress, best clothes, best everything. kalo i went back to kampung, time kena ngaji..sume cucu2 dah mengeletar takut (atuk can be garang when he taught us ngaji), i can be selamba jek..coz i knew atuk never or ever can be angry with me.* cheeky smile...my atuk gave my first pendant (that slim fair terung-shaped pendant) atuk said it resembles me " fair slim girl" Alang had a slighter chubbier terung, and ilah's a shorter yet plumb-look-alike". but i am grateful to be able to spend my last hari raye with him. I had my last chance asking for his forgiveness eventhough i didnt make it to kiss him my last farewell. ok enuff said....
Tonite, infact all-time today, i was not capable of continuing my study. I felt somehow like blues..reading was like flipping through blank pages, my mind was floating. i went to Tesco coz its my turn to do the groceries, i participated well in my study group..i kept on bombarding or occupied myself with other things, so i dunt cry..that nite, i slept early, hopefully with a fresh day in the morning. my emotionals was under control. hmpphhh....
along with this news, i had a very bz week. workshadowing wasnt bad. I enjoyed it especially when u make ur patients comfortable with you. making their cannulas or bloods easier and less painful for them. I felt great when none of my patients experienced the pain. that is my aim, i want to be skillful taking bloods that people wont even noticed my butterfly actually digging into their veins...
ok people. nuff said.
Posted at 01:22 pm by all_my_life
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Sunday, April 17, 2005
time 5.59pm ..
my tummy state: so damn hungry, am awaiting for my special dinner. our chef for today has cooked a grilled stuffed one-whole chicken (yeah, my all-time fav!) the aroma of the dishes encircle fondly in our kitchen, nyum nyum as sensored by my intact olfactory nerve. yipeee cant wait to stuff the dishes in my mouth. the taste of it must be "bon apetite!"
i realised that school days during the week flies. some odd days, i would find it teribbly slow. the weekend; the only time we have full 24hrs-time to ourselves doesnt really make much difference. the time seems to be tight. i still havent managed to stay awake for night revision. its a shame, i know but i am trying. certain days if i am studying in the day-time, i wouldnt have mind to dozed off early in the night-time. coz our brain can only take certain portion of information at a time..so let my brain rest digesting all the info.
next week, i will be starting my work shadowing. no strong excited feelings. i do not really looking fwd to be in a Urology ward for whole 2 weeks, but the fact that i am going to hang out with a person i am familiar with; the whole idea cant be too bad.. isnt it? eventhough, i might felt ackward initially. wish this whole "work shadowing" hasnt been arrange for tis time of year, where the medical students are still struggling to keep up with their revisions and clinical skills. but well, they will change it next yer, so its fine then. In another 2 weeks, i 'll be in downe (a very petite hospital). a satellite tv awaiting. jeng jeng. no lah. kak riza already remind me to study.. eheks..
fiza said our dinner will be ready at 6.30pm..emm the time is ticking. and i am waiting. hehe.
Posted at 10:16 am by all_my_life
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005
a fresh day indeed, and so it is!
my tutor was very bz in surgery hence cancelled our tutorial. hmm went home with a slight headache (the young driver drove me mad!). surprisingly, the gloomy-cold weather abruptly turned into shiny-cold-still weather. He he. thought of asking my mate out for a comedy film in nearby cinema but she supposed to cook for dinner, and so thought the plan was being unreasonable. instead, she dragged me to our small park "the Botanic". must say, i dunt mind at all. after all, i have been flower-manic myself lately. I have always found myself interested in the nature, FLOWERS being one of my passion live objects. i used to spend hours paiting flowers/tree etc in small cardboards during my younger days. learned how to mix colours with water to give fader yet liveier effect. now, i took pictures of flowers using my camera mobile. and today, i got the change to compete with my mate "Who's taking the most beautiful scenic shot in Botanic?" Ahahahaha.
i enjoyed the time. as ethusiastic i always been especially taking shots of various flowers in the park, predominantly was blue bells, not so much of tulips and sadly no roses just yet! The roses garden is ought to be the climax moment when one's visiting the park. haaa cant wait for summer to be here so we could lie down on the green carpet of grass surround with bushes of roses (all colours u bet!). u cant close ur mouth or stop claiming "it's so lovely" to your other pals.
Today's shots were not too bad either. Winking2 to my mate. aight? personally, i am happy with my shots. some really look heavenly live (the flowers were nice, heh). i will later edit a few into smaller size, so i could squeeze in a few shots here. wanna have a peek?
sori. pic has to be removed coz its far too large..
* smile smile * what a lovely fresh day! shall we watch Miss cong 2 tomorrow?
Posted at 04:26 pm by all_my_life
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Friday, March 25, 2005
why is that today, the day is so gloomy?
woken up today, felt the cold breeze outside slipping thru my window glass. No signs of sun ray, guess it's just another typical gloomy day in Belfast. Not surprising at all. Emm 2 days of weekend has had gone wasted. The hari ukhwah was an enjoyable event but the rest of weekend, just wasted by my own will. Felt too lazybone to do work. urghhh..
thanks to gloomy day. i am again a lazybone today. please it be shine tomorrow!
))))*******************************************************************************((((
sorry that this entry took ages to sum up. Believe it or not..its been nearly a week i should have written an eventful entry. He he. meant to write about Hari ukhwah. i enjoyed the day. people from different years, showed patience and provided us with the best show ever. This year they sang and organised a short sketsa..i enjoyed Melrose show (not that i am being biased here) but the show was really awesome. i envied their sportingness. berlakon slumber..teheee nice job u guys! next time, if u all ever need a watak kodi..invite me! hehe. by the way, my new green handbag has been victimised as one of the props. ha ha
great food. we ate in a talam. he he. since i am so damn hungry, i just ate and ate until all finished within minutes. guess i couldnt brought the joyous mood into this entry anymore. "The moment has long gone" sob sob
Posted at 06:53 am by all_my_life
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Thursday, March 17, 2005
Today is what i called a wee holiday..
In NI today, they are celebrating St.Patrick's Day (whatever it means) ..on second thought, it is pretty sad reflecting the fact that i have been staying here for nearly five good years and still, dunt have a slightest idea of today's celebration day.
*from a source:St Patrick was celebrated as "a saint for all" by the irish people, hence reading to tis title strongly speaks of the reason as y i was being an ignorant all these while. The people were celebrating it like crazy (who adopt an Irish state of mind for the day) donning green wigs, drinking beer and playing Irish music. Yesterday, even in "A" hospital, the caffeteria was providing food in St Patrick's high spirit. decorated everything in green twigs and leaves. oh well....
So this is the reason y i have my wee holiday in the middle of my plain schooldays. he he *wink
but what have i done in these precious hours?? the reason i am starting to write is that I found i couldnt concentrate on my reading. I browsed so many blogs i hardly knew (but of people i knew emm interesting enuf) and was bewildered by the thought "how these people could put totally different contents in their blog". very very mind-catching, i must add. some people put islam views in their respectable entries, which i respect and masya-allah they are so matured in their thinking perceptions (very mind-blowing), some people chose to scribble somthing far more light such as scribbling their paths of life; real stories that captured their sweet and dim memories of own, some people chose write freely treating the blog like his/her own diary..and the lists go on endlessly.
lately, i indulged myself into The Images of ROSES. I kept some of the image into my laptop for the pleasure of these eyes. he he. So pure, so beautiful. That's explain the reason i put the image of BICOLOUR Rose *refer my side section aint it just breath-taking? haha ):hint * hint* Nahh, just kidding. Trying hard, to focus on my study. when i am thinking about my efforts, oh geez, it is really down the drain. I am blaming myself for not getting my thoughts stret and be more serios in my another-3 months-study. Y i cant seem to be able to stretch out my full potentials? susah ler nih, memalam asik tido. tiredness, yeah, all of my friends were tired too, but that cant be a lame reason as not to study aight? DEAD ON! I will try harder this time..harder hehe
okies..i pen off now..Cherioo^
Posted at 09:34 am by all_my_life
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Hola
Its been a long long LONG LONG time, i havent scratched anything in my blog. think there's someone would want me to update hehe...okies here we go;
Yesterday was the nicest day ever in my surgery attachment, the reason being, a splendid acquitance with a patient of mine. She used to be a ballerina, opera singer in 1950s. having looked at her, u would know she speaked of the truth. a very fashionably lady of her age with her unique spec frame, nicely shaped pair of eyebrows (she's 81 years old by the way)..yeahhh its was so not expected in this age for you to keep fashion-updated. hehe..she must have been a very graceful beautiful lady in her younger age, i must add. well, we had a good chat. She was pretty keen on meeting people of different ethnic. She said " arghh, u're such a china porcelain doll!" ha ha see guys, this is not the reason i have been pouring only the good sights of this lady in my blog. Laughing out loud! indeed, she's very nice and even gimme a huge hug at the end of the meeting. not to mention, she even let me use her ETERNITY parfum lotion. That sort of make my day and even better, i actually did some great productive work today. Met so many patients, got things signed off. so I am happy indeed..
Until, i caught a cold on the way back from hospital. the weather was behaving badly. heavy rain all the time constantly. to make things worse, having put on my white no-hood coat, i was teribbly soaking! coat wet, shocks wet arghhh every single bone of mine was shivering. i thought a warm bath afterwards would make me felt better but its upside down. my body temperature just went roasting. felt very uncomfortable. felt HOT, lips starting to went red (usually this indicates i am getting a cold) and nauseated (feeling like want to puke but nahhh), so my hand quickly got my hp and ringed my sleepping bf. hehe so sorry dear, i knew u were sleeping soundly around this time, but i just need to hear ur calming voice. Do u know that ur voice can heal my sickness? HA HA. felt better after talking to you. went to sleep very early yesterday.
yeah, i watched a movie called Forces of Nature, it was not bad. liked it. but what most striking me was the quote given in the end from the 16th century which says :
well, marriage has less beauty but more safety than a single life,
its full of sorrows and full of joys,
it lies under more burden,
but it is supported by all strengths of love,
and those burdens are delightful
arghh isnt it beautiful.. i am all over the heels now..hehe
Posted at 12:02 pm by all_my_life
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Monday, March 07, 2005
owh please Help me out from this tremendous "boringness".
Not even called a day, i already found myself grumping about todays' attachment.
Surgery; a block which i never hate. infact, i used to keep tis big ambition of being a female surgeon. huh, how many are female surgeons out there have u heard? counting fingers? or perhaps just perception of light. he he.
well after so many attachments and four years of experience of different perspectives in medicine, i am doubt of what to become in future. humanity, emphaty, and even warmest aura, all are strongly blended in me. i had the urge to care for any patients that i see in the wards and that makes me think of becoming a great physician then. being in children ward makes me felt all cheerier, a paediatrician perhaps? but nah, way too far bz, someone said to me. the thing is i demand a challenging work but didnt tolerate long working hours.. Ha ha so is there such a post that i can apply to? hire me anyone?
Surgery to me a very challenging work, eventhough sometimes they associates surgery as all technical, well it's a skill. It is never easy to obtain and maintain such skills. operating the laparoscopy for example; the need to be flexible with ur hands and movements and the nightmare is " u need to improve ur mortality rates" the lesser u have, indicates a good surgeon u must be. *sigh
at one stage, i even consider to be a obstetrist and gynaecologists since i can practice both medicine and surgery. but hey, that will be bz too. WAAAA y every post must be bz?
anyway, this surgery block is important to me for this Finals hence i should try to benefited from it as much as i could. rite? so come one, just lets hope tomorrow will be better from today, and the day after the next day will be simply blastful.
Posted at 11:43 am by all_my_life
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Friday, March 04, 2005
Flipping thru the events that has had occured in my time of life;
believe it or not, 4 weeks have gone by, the time flies, too fast for me to stop the time and having a bit of rest in between my hectic life. i am officially finishing my Medical Block in Belfast City Hospital TODAY. is this mean that i should have known almost nearly medical diseases around or the least mentioned in those thick medical textbooks? hehe. if only i could. behaving as an eager, ethusiastic and full of energy medical student; i always make sure i see all kinds of patients in the ward. i even searched the other wards. Been to cardio ward, Respiratory ward, oncology ( the few last weeks and yeah, so so dissapointed i havent been there earlier. The reason being, Ivan, a malaysian SHO was so damn good in giving us tips for the Finals and teaching us ), ERU and stroke unit. not too bad huh? i enjoyed talking to "my patients" freely and am glad that most patients were more than happy for us to examine them acknowledging us as their future doctors. how nice..A great bunch of thanks to all of them. i promised i'll try my best in polishing my skills in order to be the Best humane doctor to all.
had my ups and downs in life. had cold in middle of attachment and still by these last week, caught a viral flu. this was the worst ever. my muscles and joints were aching all over, felt dizzy, headache was throbbing and dull-aching, felt the head was too heavy to hold at times but with strong will, i Never Failed to visit my lovely ward every day. Impressive enuf. its just that one ( i never ponteng in my life), two ( medical block is far too important to miss anything and this includes the slightest thing. at the end of the day, i knew i did try to work as hard as i could to strive excellence. dissapointing though, i easily dozed off during the nites. hence, miss my reading time after hard work in the evening.
attended tutorials for this past weeks. enjoyed and feel frustrated in between. NOt much of a click-group, u might say. So buhsan lah.. enuf said.
mum and dad has finally returned from Haj. yey that put my miserable away. now i can hear their voices as long and anytime as i want to. they were still tired from the long journey. and on top of this tiredness, i need to talked to them about my graduation tickets. shiannye..just now, one of my sis told me about atuk having to be sent to hosp last wednesday. from what i knew, he suffered from quite a bad OA but am absolutely clueless as y he had to stay in the hospital. tonite, my mum and her eldest sister take care of him. so hopefully i'll be able to get in touch with her and ask how atuk doin.
another roller coster in my life recently is Getting the job rota and work shadowing. owh and yes, i got to travel down to Downe for my PRHO. its far but i bet it's sure worth it since many people has thrown good comments regarding this place of which i have no idea at all. i even cant point it out in the map. so so CLueless. but am lookind forward for a good new experience since i will be spending 2 weeks for my work shadowing. KAk azlin dah eager to buli me. ha ha check this iut , wait who will be ended up being bullied then. * grinning woth cheeky smile on my face.
well guess that was enuf said about my timeline in lIfe. ciow need to eat my dinner. *stomach has groaned by this time
Posted at 10:47 am by all_my_life
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